#ATLT: church without cringe, mandy steward

Welcome to #ATLT, At the Lord’s Table: A Conversation, a series of over 50 posts from varying authors about the beautiful, mangled Church. Look for at least two new posts every Monday through Saturday between January 25th and February 22nd. Join us in the conversation? See you in the comments.

This is a very special post, as only Many could tell, through photos and lists.

“Believing that traditional religion failed to address and soothe the trials of modern life, he [Vincent] regarded art as a potential source of faith and enlightenment. He thought that, if artists assumed a missionary role in society and that if they joined together in a compassionate fraternity, they could bring hope and consolation to a troubled world…Art had now replaced Vincent’s traditional religious beliefs.”

- The Art Institute of Chicago’s Van Gogh and Gaugin

Late last year I was speaking to one of my artist friends about community. She shared with me that she is going through a Bible study on the book of Acts. Now normally, the Bible is causing a bit of a cringe in me right now. I tip-toe towards its mention because I’m not in a place of being able to read it without feeling the weight of legalism within the commands to obey each and every rule. I just don’t have ears to hear it as life-giving lately. But hearing it through a trusted friend’s perspective is very helpful.

A couple weeks after hearing about Acts from my friend, I was sitting in a coffee shop on date nite with my husband, and we were both reading and journaling. I decided to read a bit of Acts myself, and test the waters. If I got too frustrated, I could just stop reading, I told myself.

I started with Acts 4:32: “All the believers were one in heart and mind.” I sucked in air with fervor, because these words I could not only handle, but they were words I was living with.

You see, I have found a handful of friends who speak my language. They are artists. They are my people. They get me and don’t feel the need to try and fix me. We have so much in common in the lens by which we choose to see life. We are like-minded, or perhaps rather, like-souled. If there is anyone that I am one in heart and mind with, it is these artists. What if these artists could be my church?

I read on in Acts. Anticipating the cringe that is all too familiar these days, but it doesn’t come. I read, and then I am instantly given eyes to see how it translates into the community that has been forming with my artist friends.

I read “Sharing everything they had” and then I jot down lists of what we share:

• inspiration
• the dark place
• resources
• music
• secrets
• ideas
• the Muse
• celebrations
• fears
• spotlight
• glitter glasses
• love
• words
• images
• time
• art
• messy life
• poetry
• tears
• coffee
• fried green tomatoes

I read that the believers “Testify to the resurrection,” and I think, yes, that is what we as artists do. We are always on the lookout for the poetry and the colors that portray:

• life after death
• light in the dark.
• and paradox after paradox of redemption

I read that not only do they “testify to the resurrection,” but that they do so “with great power” and I think on the power that we artists are given:

• We are fierce and brave
• We are mystics
• We receive secret messages and signs
• We are given eyes to see things what others can’t
• We receive visions
• We are given words and images
• We can speak the creations into existence that we most need to find

I read that “God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them” and I think how grace so often is the one string we artists are clinging to. We share grace with one another and it meets the need, giving us:

• The ability to self-love
• The permission to say no
• The permission to say yes
• The ability to screw-up out loud and go on
• The ability to sing broken hallelujahs
• The permission to use our artistic voice
• The ability to hold up our head in the face of everything
• The space to bow our head when it all gets to be too much
• The power to pave a new way by coloring outside the lines

I read about the wealth being distributed to those who have need, and I think about my artist people and how open-handed they are. Quick to:

• reach out
• extend the circle
• share with others out of the overflow and abundance of love and favor that we give each other
• gather around whoever needs support
• welcome others inside
• feed into other artists
• awaken others to their own potential

Last night as we are leaving the physical church we are currently attending, my husband says to me, “I really wish we could have found someone to go out to eat with us. I keep trying to create that aspect of church, where we just hang out together and have fellowship.”

“I think that might be the only aspect of church that I like,” I answered, smiling weakly.

I think back on Acts, and the verses I read, and I believe that the canopy of church that works for me looks radically different from these other motions I’m going through weekly on Saturday nights.

My spiritual life over the last year has been a rough game of red-rover. I’ve been busting through all sorts of arm barriers sometimes with angst and rage and sometimes with self-understanding and grace-filled rebellion.

Reading Acts on date night, with tears in my eyes, made me realize that I have in fact found a group of people who have “dared Mandy over” and whose love and grace I can’t bust through with my own raw and messy life. And so I decide to swallow my pride and extend the vulnerable arm, and link up to a “church” that allows and encourages me to both hear and use my voice and to dance my own steps undauntedly.

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read the post before this one, here.

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Mandy Steward

Mandy Steward is married to Tony and has four kids.
She likes to paint word pictures that reveal the spiritual that lurks even in the mundanest of moments. She is extremely passionate about a lot of things:
She believes that life is good and we are to live it to the fullest.
She believes in restoring beauty.
She believes in touching lives and fighting for free hearts.
She believes we are created for a purpose.
She believes we are constantly learning.
She believes life is messy.
She believes we’re doing the best we can.

Her soul is fed by words, splashes of color, story, music, nature, the beach, creating, ever unfolding mystery, imperfection bathed in hope and asking others what feeds their soul.

Mandy’s Blog, Mandy on Twitter

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