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a practical way to deny lust – guest post for ally spotts

October 21, 2011 in sex, relationships, and women with 0 Comments

Today I am honored to be sharing over at Ally Spotts’s wonderful and amazing blog. You may recall several months ago when I guest posted there a tongue-in-cheek, open letter to women about rejecting men. Well, today I nervously and humbly share a further glimpse into my own heart and the battle I have with lust, offering one way in which that battle is being won by Christ our victor in my soul with a little help–a lot of help–of my best friend. Join me on Ally’s blog today?

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Three months ago I wrote a post for the Good Women Project about pornography, in which I stated that a woman had no business getting engaged to a man who struggled with porn. Hiccups were one thing, but a continual, habituated sin was another.

Since that post, I have received hundreds of emails from women and men alike asking me how to practically overcome lust, how to tame a beast that is ever and always much greater than ourselves.

For the longest time, I didn’t really have much of an answer.

I knew what to say in the traditional sense: Read your Bible, pray, find an accountability partner.

All the stuff that sounded good to do, right to do, but at the close I had to admit in my own heart, in that dark space between advised words and lived action, that those hadn’t been enough for me.

While reading your Bible, prayer, and accountability are crucial, we shouldn’t hold them on a pedestal of medicinal salve.

Keep reading this post here.

dear future you – guest post by lindsey edwards

September 28, 2011 in guest post, sex, relationships, and women with 0 Comments

I have the great pleasure of putting the amazing words of Lindsey Edwards in front of you today. My pleasure here is two-fold: first and foremost Lindsey is an incredible writer who in the past has shared some beautiful words with me that I am grateful to get to pass on to you; second, I don’t have to come up with a post this evening, which I consider all sorts of awesome as I try and navigate thesis, book project, National Endowment for the Humanities projects, and life in general.

Lindsey does a little bit of everything. She blogs here, tweets here, and does a little bit of everything everywhere else. Get to know this girl. You’ll be glad you did.

Lindsey shares here her own “letter to my future …” You all, no doubt, recall my own dabbling into this territory. Lindsey is one of the few people I have read since that has hit on the notes of patience, trust, and confidence in the waiting. I appreciate her willingness, her candor, her care. So without further delay, I offer over her words to you.

dear future you,

i know that these words don’t bring you to life. you’re very much alive. these words don’t make you anything new. you are very much made. created and formed; beautifully thought out. every blink, every bone, every mistake.

because you are very much you, and you are somewhere out there, i think of you often. and don’t worry- i don’t think of you in ways that build you up into perfection. you’ll never fit inside of a list. in fact, the sum of your flaws and your scars- the times you lost yourself, lost your love, the bitter questions and the ugly realizations- these make you more of a man than any false expectations women dream of.

you are real, and when i find you i will love you at your very least. Continue Reading…

holy ghost coin toss

September 21, 2011 in sex, relationships, and women with 4 Comments

Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Tails. Heads.

Wait. Was that other one tails? Maybe that’s it. OK. We’re not supposed to date.

Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. Rolls under the bed.

I bet that one was going to be heads. Don’t say it out loud. Remember what you learned in Sunday school: God is omniscient but Satan is not. So, accordingly, God can read your mind but Satan can’t. Neither can demons. And demons want me to make the wrong decision. They want the coin to land on … what did I decide again? Don’t look too certain, they’re watching. The demons are watching. They may not be able to hear my thoughts, but they’ve been around for thousands of years so they can tell by my facial cues what I’m thinking, right? So look very stoic and decide. OK. If it’s heads we’ll date. No. Wait. They expect heads. Everyone chooses heads. I’ll go for tails. Tails it is. If it’s tails, we’ll date.

Flips the coin, bounces off ceiling and strikes right eyeball.

@$*#%&!!!!

— Continue Reading…

for every sin–including blame–on Him was laid

September 14, 2011 in sex, relationships, and women with 8 Comments

“I just feel that God is doing some incredible work through my life right now and that you’re not a part of it.”

This lovely jewel was overheard by a good friend of mine the other day in one of the dinning halls on campus. If you haven’t been in the Christian dating community for very long, you may not be familiar with the ‘Jesus told me we should break up’ line, but it is a vital tool in the war on taking personal responsibility.

Three dates in and you’re pretty sure that things aren’t going to work out but you don’t want to look like a jerk for ending it?

Have no fear, there’s always Holy Ghost to blame! Continue Reading…

+1 attack!

August 31, 2011 in sex, relationships, and women with 35 Comments

It’s Wednesday, so I’m writing about relationships, sex, and dating. Or, today, the lack thereof. Please, if you watch 30 Rock, understand that this is best read if you think of it being read to you by Liz Lemmon. Disclaimer: This is not a plea for a date, either. You faceless, beautiful Internet, you.

Last year, I was standing in the liminal space between Indian and Eastern European imported foods in the local grocer when the remnant of my relational sanity broke.

There it was, in the harsh light of fluorescent overheads: an emailed save the date on my iPhone, which detailed the location of the wedding, that a reception would follow, and that I needed to indicate if I was to be “1″ or “+1″.

That’s right. It was a +1 attack.

Those of you non-singles out there may have been non-single long enough that you have forgotten what a +1 attack is. It is what happens when you reach a certain age, typically in your early twenties, when all the people you thought would never get married are suddenly, in fact, getting married. They then, for reasons that you can only suppose have something to do with the fact that you have a good eye and shop at Neiman Marcus, invite you to their wedding.

You and, if you have one to bring, a guest. Continue Reading…

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